Relationships are nothing like they are in Disney. There is no soulmate out there that will understand your every flaw and who will love every little quirk about you. People fight, people cry, and people break up. And in this imperfect world abusive relationships exist.
You read about them a lot, may even see them in your day to day life. A black eye, a scared look, a friend who seemingly disappeared off the face of the earth. These stories are almost always about women.
What happens when a man is abused? How can you tell? Here’s a few tips on how to tell the subtle differences.
Women are given the stereotype of wanting commitment from a man far too often. This is why this particular sign of abuse may not be noticed. Your girlfriend wants to move in with you after two months? Well, you do like her, so you let her in.
Fast forward a few months later. She wants marriage and a house, to figuratively tie you down.
Take notice of your gut feeling in these situations.
Money ties in with the commitment. She’ll expect you to take care of her and to pay for everything, and eventually a joint account will come into play.
One day, you’ll wake up to extreme spending. She may even be keeping the money for herself. Any questioning to where the money went will cause extreme fighting. But any money you spent is watched and questioned constantly. It’s a double standard that is definitely not okay.
In the beginning of a relationship she may have problems with you having your night out with the guys. She’ll complain that it makes her feel uncomfortable and left out, and that she needs more attention.
Suddenly, you wake up and realize you haven’t seen your friends or family in months. You can’t even send them a text without her demanding to see who you’re talking to.
Unreasonable expectations and jealousy
You never do enough. You work two jobs so she can stay home, you clean the house when she feels tired. You try to support her in anything that is going on in her life. But all she does is criticize.
On top of this she always thinks you’re cheating. If you go out it’s to see another woman. If you stay late at work it’s to go screw some coworker. So you stop doing anything, but her suspicions never stop.
A woman hitting a man is made fun of in our society, but is a real problem. Any decent person would not hit back who is weaker than them, especially someone who they love.
Abusive women take advantage of this. They’ll kick, punch, bite, and scratch. If you try to fight back they threaten to call the police and turn the story around.
A good rule to think about is this: can you do this to a stranger and not go to jail? If not, get out of the relationship.
Keep all of these things in the back of your mind. It may be easy to write them off, especially since the roles are switched between man and woman.